Blog # 10

Hello Nayelly,


I was looking over your research paper and I can say that it is very informative on the facts of the issue about the Colorado Rivers. I was unaware of this issue as I am sure many people are so that was good because you made me aware of it. I am glad you chose a topic that isn’t so publicly covered by media because it shows people about the amount of other problems out there in this country.




One of the things I enjoyed reading was the interview between the reporter and the young boy from Colorado who made it a point to take on the role of advocate for the endangered species of fish being affected by the rivers depletion of water and the new dams being built blocking the migration of fish. It engaged me even more to get a personal point of view by an individual who is witnessing the negative effects of this issue, especially such a young person like this boy who took a pro active approach. That’s impressive. This was on the third and fourth pages. I don’t know if you made up this character but if you did it was a great touch because it is convincing and original.





There are a couple of suggestions I have for your research paper. I would like to hear more of your personal feeling on this issue being expressed in the paper somehow; something that shows me your opinion on the issue. Maybe you can express some type of person experience you had that was similar to the issue you are talking about or just express why you feel so strongly about this issue. Maybe it can be because you have a compassion for animals or maybe because your strong belief in how everything natural and living in this world is important and we as human beings have a responsibility to be aware of that and stop negative things like this from happening. Or maybe just the fact that the people of Colorado are suffering in some way and it is disturbing you for reasons which you can state.





The second suggestion is that I would like to know more on the negative repercussions of how the people of Colorado are being affected from the problems with the Rivers. You touch slightly on this and I don’t know if you were working on adding more about it but it does give it a human perspective and not just how it is negatively affecting the fish which is just as important. If you are going to mention how this problem is affecting both beings than try to equally tell both stories. Last Which I am sure we all have to do is fix some of the spelling and grammar.


I did not find anything confusing but there was in the first and second page a bit of repetitiveness when it came to the explanation of why the Rivers were in danger. You kept talking about how there was a lack of sufficient water and you said it in about two paragraphs when you could off said it in one. There is great information in the research paper but I don’t know what authority you got the information from because you do not mention it.



Other than that I feel that all your facts are on point. Maybe you should add a few important comments from an authority or specialist point of view. I also feel the main idea is well thought out and is basically there but you need to tweak it a little bit and you got an A paper.



Hello Fidel,


Your paper is intelligently written and touches on a subject which I find to be extremely important, Environmental Racism. It is amazing all the injustice Haitians had to endure throughout history which incidentally is not the only country who has suffered under the dominant race’s tyranny.



I loved the way your voice came out in the paper. You definitely expressed your passionate opinion about the way the Haitians have been treated unfairly throughout time and how the course of their destruction was a product of European and Western dominance and exploitation. I am assuming your thesis statement is “Economically, Haiti is the poorest country in the western hemisphere and ranked among the most undeveloped of the world. But, more disastrous is the fact that Haiti is now almost completely deforested and eroded”.




What I found to be extremely interesting was when you stated that, “After the invasion of 1915 the United States established complete political control of Haiti with the convention Haitiano-Americaine. However, the final drop that spilled the water occurred in 1918 with the introduction of a new constitution in Haiti under the Franklin D. Roosevelt administration. But this measure was opposed by even the Haitian elite. Americans then proceeded to dissolve “the parliament and put the question to plebiscite” (Farmer 92). Upon arriving at voting stations people were given white ballots that said: yes. Interestingly enough 99.9% of Haitians approved the new constitution”. This really got me infuriated and got me very emotionally involved in the paper.




There was only one complaint and that was the really long paragraphs which are the third paragraph to the sixth paragraph and take up about 2 ½ pages. It is about the atrocious history of the Haitians not to say it was not important but I feel you went into it a little to far in depth when you could have given a round about idea of the invasions and exploitation of Haitians with less text. It became a bit tedious. Other than that I adored your paper.




The paper was clear as a whistle with its points and not boring at all. It did not have a fictional character which I think would be nice to hit home with your already passionate and emotional paper. The draft states the sources and I do not think you need to go to the writing center you just need to fix a couple of parts that go on to long about the history and add a personal story to the paper through a fictional character.